Anyone who has ever been frustrated with a sex addict because he or she wouldn’t stop acting out needs to remember that sexual activity, at least in the mind of addicts, has allowed them to survive pain. It is not that sex addicts don’t want to give up sex. It is not that they are terrible, sinful, immoral people. It is because they can’t give up the coping strategies they believe have kept them alive for years.
From “Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction” by Mark Laaser
Only in a relationship with Jesus Christ do we satisfy our deep spiritual and emotional thirst. All the false substitutes and idolatries of the world can never satisfy us the way faith can. In order to heal, addicts must begin to acknowledge that all of their strivings to satisfy their thirsts are abysmal failures. They must discover and embrace what they are truly thirsty for.
From “Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction” by Mark Laaser
The man who has struggled to purify himself and has had nothing but repeated failures will experience real relief when he stops tinkering with his soul and looks away to the perfect One. While he looks at Christ, the very things he has so long been trying to do will be getting done within him. It will be God working in him to will and to do.
-A. W. Tozer
The sex addict uses the search for sex and romantic intensity to say, “Look at me! Pay attention to me! Notice me! Love me! Don’t reject me! Need me! Desire me! Make me feel lovable! Help me to feel whole and wanted, even just for a few hours or moments.” He silently screams out his need for attention, validation, and affirmation.
Cruise Control, by Robert Weiss. Chapter 4 “How Did I Get To Be A Sex Addict?”
Our same-sex nurturer will usually be our parent of the same sex. This parent welcomes us to bond with him, making us feel comfortable and accepted in his presence. Our relationship with him is marked by physical affection, play, and intimate caring. He delights in us, giving us a sense of specialness. As we become secure in his love, we develop an early conviction that we’re okay as males or females, perfectly acceptable and lovable to our same-sex nurturer and therefore to other members of our sex.
Desires In Conflict, by Joe Dallas. Chapter 5 “Why Me?”
You are not despicable. You were made in the image of God. That image in you may have been defaced, yet it is still there. And a defaced masterpiece is better by far than the unspoiled statue of a third-rate artist. But you will never feel this way about yourself until you take the risk of exposing your inner self—of revealing what you are ashamed of—to someone else. What you need is to warm your soul in the sunshine of another person’s respect and understanding and in so doing begin to rediscover respect for yourself. If your problem is not too deeply ingrained, this of itself may be enough to begin to set you free.
John White, Eros Defiled, p. 144