Even with the Step Into Action book or other guides, many have said “I don’t know where to start.” Working the Steps isn’t really expected from you as a solo endeavor. But if you want something you can work towards as you get ready, try this: reach out and connect with a brother or your sponsor every day. No expectations. No agenda. Just make a phone call. Check in where you’re at. Good, bad, or indifferent. Rinse and repeat for as long as needed. Why?
We are so broken in our ability to connect and share. We don’t really want to and don’t see why we have to. As we take the simple step of reaching out and connecting, at the suggestion of this program, we learn the skills and come to value the formation of relationships with our brothers. We learn how to look inward, evaluate what we think and feel, and learn how to use words to describe it. We learn how to describe our feelings, emotions both good and bad. We come to find that we are built for this kind of connection and over time, it becomes a healthy and healing part of our lives.
How do I know these things? I experienced them in my early days in the program. My sponsor asked me to connect with him every day as we were working the Steps. It was usually a quick touch base on the way home from work. Nothing deep or serious. It seemed frivolous at first. As the weeks and months continued, it was something that I looked forward to at the end of the day. It was comforting to hear a familiar voice answer that was always glad to hear from me, that always had a word of encouragement, that reminded me of the things I was learning in the Steps. And then, I completed the Steps, I was doing well in sobriety, and I had some opportunities for sponsoring. But I was still calling my sponsor every day. I would tell myself that I really didn’t need that anymore, that it had performed its work. But it hurt too much when I thought of stopping. It was too important. It was something I depended on. I knew I needed to let go, but really struggled. My sponsor knew and helped me get there. He said that I could call him anytime I needed, but that it didn’t need to be everyday anymore. To this day, I feel it was one of the hardest things I have had to do.
What happened? I think something that had been missing in my life was formed and repaired in me. I didn’t have any regular conversations about life like this. I didn’t see this wound. I didn’t know I was bleeding here. Over time, I began to see and feel its effect and impact on me and its value to me grew and grew.
And then it hit me. I felt the same way about my relationship with God. I didn’t know how to talk to Him, what to say, what topics to bring up. I was about to say “and I don’t know how to do that” when I suddenly realized, yes, I do. I had been carefully and gently taught by the investment of time and relationship with my sponsor.
I had been taught how to process, how to think, how to feel, how to describe it with words, to consider other points of view, to listen to what others are saying, and to value the connection. No, it didn’t solve every problem in my life, but having this foundational tool meant I could achieve the objectives of this journey.