Step 1

We admitted we were powerless over lust – that our lives had become unmanageable

Overview

1. In this step you will create a timeline of your life. This is optional, but VERY helpful in all the steps to follow.
2. You will use the timeline and questions to write a selective narrative of your life and what brought you into SA.

Reading

1. Read Step One in “Step Into Action”
   • Highlight anything that hits you deeply
   • Write a word or two in the margin as to Why?
2. Read Members of SA Share in “Step Into Action”
   • Highlight anything that hits you deeply
   • Write a word or two in the margin as to Why?
3. Read A Personal Step One in “Step Into Action”
   • Make a short list (mental is OK) of the acting out behaviors or triggers that got you into SA.
   • Review in your head what YOUR Step One statement would sound like:
     • I concede that I am completely incapable of handling __________________ and that I have completely lost control over ______________________.

Questions

These questions will help you think about and process your past history as it developed into a sexual addiction. Answer them in your head at first and take a few notes if something really resonates with you.

Sexual History

1. What is my earliest recollection of sex? Was there anything compulsive or deviant about it? 
2. Did I have any unusual pre-puberty experiences with sexual curiosity?
3. When did I discover masturbation? Did it become compulsive and frequent?
4. What about visualization and romantic or sexual fantasy? Have I spent much time in this practice? 
5. Do I dress to attract attention?
6. Have I felt I had to have a relationship in order to feel okay about myself?
7. Did I engage in serial or overlapping relationship or affairs?
8. Did I use a sexual or romantic high to mask feelings?
9. Was the anticipation or the pursuit more important than the relationship? Did acting out ever really take away my craving for “more”?
10. Have I harmed myself or others physically, emotionally, or spiritually?
11. What finally brought me to SA? What were the final incidents?

Powerlessness

1. Were there times when I’ve been so consumed with lust that I was no longer aware of the world around me or able to think about the choices I was making?
2. Did I got to absurd lengths to be with my pornography, my romantic novel, or my current “relationship”?
3. Did I masturbate while driving? Did I act out sexually in public?
4. Did I have sex with persons who meant nothing to me or with persons I didn’t like? Did I objectify people? Did I notice only the attractive people in my environment?
5. What have I done that I didn’t want to do? With whom have I associated that I wouldn’t have otherwise? Where have I gone that I otherwise never would have gone? Is lust running my life?
6. Did I do things that my better nature told me I shouldn’t be doing? Did I put myself in dangerous situations?
7. Did I dress, flirt, or manipulate others in order to be lusted after?
8. Were there particular neighborhoods I could not drive through without acting out? Did I go to particular neighborhoods or places in order to stalk or spy on someone? Did I find myself looking in windows?
9. Did I do things that disgusted and overwhelmed me with shame?
10. Did I cross boundaries of behavior that I had set for myself? Was it impossible for me to say no?
11. What promises did I make to myself or to others? Did I keep them?
12. How many times have I tried unsuccessfully to quit? What happened when I failed?

Unmanageability

1. How much time have I spent in sexual obsession? How has time spent on the addiction affected other areas of my life?
2. How has my illness affected my home life, my spouse(s) (or lack of spouse), my children (or lack of children)?
3. What other relationships have been damaged by my acting out or obsession? What friendships have I lost?
4. Did lust interfere with a precious relationship, whether or not that person was the object of lust?
5. How has my illness affected my education or other areas of person or skill development?
6. How has my illness affected my work, my career, or a promotion? Could I have been fired if discovered? Was I fired?
7. How has my illness affected my finances? Have I lost income or incurred significant costs? Have I remained trapped in an underpaid position?
8. Did I miss any important events so I could act out? Did I create events, trips, or situations so I could act out?
9. How has my illness affected my reputation, my social standing? Have I or loved ones received negative publicity or been under public scrutiny because of my acting out? Has if affected me legally?
10. Have I or my partner had an unplanned pregnancy? Have I paid for or had an abortion to cover up my acting out?
11. Have I contracted or passed on a sexually transmitted disease? Have I been tested?
12. Have I been arrested? Could I have been arrested for what I have done? Could I have been sued?

Writing

1. Read Preparing a Written Step One Inventory in “Step Into Action”
2.  Read the questions on Sexual History in “Step Into Action”
   • Answer the questions in your head. 
   • Jot down a word or two to remind you of what you thought.
   • Highlight 3 questions on this list that really seem to apply to you.
3.  Read the questions on Powerlessness in “Step Into Action”
   • Answer the questions in your head. 
   • Jot down a word or two to remind you of what you thought.
   • Highlight 3 questions on this list that really seem to apply to you.
4.  Read the questions on Unmanageability in “Step Into Action”. 
   • Answer the questions in your head. 
   • Jot down a word or two to remind you of what you thought.
   • Highlight 3 questions on this list that really seem to apply to you.

As your write your story, answer the questions below:

1. What brought you into SA?
2. Where were you first exposed or where did you first experience sexual things?
3. Focus on the powerlessness and unmanageability of your addiction.
4. Complete the Timeline of your life to help you keep things straight. Excel (xlsx), Numbers (Mac) and Google Sheets (gsheet) versions are available in the File Versions folder.
5. Review the example “Rick’s Annotated First Step.pdf” in the folder below.

Files

The files for this step are shown below in PDF format. To find files in Excel, Mac, or Google format, check the File Versions page.